Frustrations · Thoughts

To Phil

Life is beyond busy right now. Phil and I each work 30-40 hours per week (which, while it’s not full time, it is not a regular schedule by any stretch of the imagination). In addition to that, we each have classes and/or homework that takes up most of the rest of our time. And then of course, there’s the fact that we are married and probably should spend some time together at some point.

Then, there’s the apartment which, while still messy, would be much worse without the influence of Phil. He’s been doing most of the day-to-day cooking and dishes in spite of his crazy schedule.

It’s in these especially crazy times that I wonder if any of this would be easier if I were single. I wouldn’t feel so guilty about the fact that Phil has worked so hard to maintain the apartment without nearly enough help from me. The apartment could just be a mess until I got to it and no one else would have to suffer through it. It would be okay if all there was for dinner was macaroni and cheese and ice cream, and the dishes would get done when they got done. All of it would be no one else’s problem but mine.

But I realize that it’s impossible to know where I would be if Phil hadn’t been in my life. I don’t know that I would have pursued writing, or applied to a master’s program, or moved to Chicago. After marriage, those are some of the best decisions of my life. From a purely practical standpoint, I certainly wouldn’t be able to work the jobs that I have and live on my own. I’d still have someone who would have to deal with my mess and would love me a lot less than he does.

Of course, it’s not all practical. It’s not just the fact that his influence helped me find what I wanted to do with my life and that our combined incomes make life independent from parents possible. When I try to think about what my life would be without Phil, I can’t even imagine it. God has given me a loving husband to keep me sane in the midst of all this madness. I’d be a mess without him. I am so grateful for a husband who takes care of me and loves me because of (and in spite of) who I am.

I don’t say it often enough. Thank you, Phil, for how incredible and wonderful you are. You’re the best, and I love you.

UPDATE: Loving husband that he is, Phil read this post and pointed out two typos and one grammatical error. Thanks, honey.

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